Tuesday, August 3, 2010

For My Fellow Golfers... and the Women Who Married Them.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a

heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls

911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and

lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at

him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the

second hole and he's coming to help you."Well, how long will it take for him

to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband.

"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."


A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson , "You are spectacular, your name is

synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the

course. What's your secret?" Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."


A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest

asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son? " The young man says,

"An 8-iron, father. How about you?"The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft

seven and pray." The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the

green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards. The

young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we

pray, we keep our head down."


Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron

standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your

husband?" "Yes " says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club ?"

" Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her,

hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five,

six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."


A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his

ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between

two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a

mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and

killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you

a good golfer?" The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"


The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the

groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said:

"What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and

said, "This isn't going to take all day,` is it?

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